You aren't asking "too much"

You aren’t asking “too much” of someone, you’re simply asking the wrong person.

Read that again.

How many times have you asked a question or favour of someone, or requested something and felt like an idiot?

Wishing you had just never said anything. Knowing damn well if they asked you, you would do it in order to help them, make them feel better or just because you knew it would make them happy.

It's a horrible feeling when you would have rather suppressed how you felt, and not said anything than be in a fight with someone because you told them how you felt.

But I want you to stop and ask yourself… “if my partner or friend ect had asked me this question how would I have responded?”

Because most of the time we wouldn’t have responded the way they had, and it can show us that we weren’t actually asking too much, simply just the wrong person.

For example, I was seeing someone once and asked “hey I am just making sure we aren’t seeing anyone else” now maybe I should have made it clear I wasn’t seeing anyone else either. But his response was complete anger and upset, in fact he left me. Outright left. Drove off. Broke up with me.

But when I asked myself driving home from his house, balling my eyes out - “how would I have responded” my reply would have been “of course I am not seeing anyone else, what makes you ask that?”.

We need to start getting to places in our relationships, whether they are with friends, partners or family. Where we ask ourselves “Am I asking too much? Or am I asking the wrong person?”

Especially with romantic partners, we need to learn the difference between soulful connection and sexual desire or lust.

Between someone who values you and someone who finds you convenient.

Between someone who makes time for you and someone who sees you when it's on their schedule.

These relationships both exist and fulfill different desires. But we need to stop holding on to people who give us half assed love, half assed effort and don't reciprocate our TRUE desires. We have ALL been there - where we accept poor treatment or a relationship we don't really enjoy, because we would rather that then be alone.

So here is my pep talk to my queens who are accepting less than they deserve…

Stop putting yourself into a box you weren’t meant to fit into.

You know why holding on to him, hoping he turns around and begins to love you and treat you right, will do nothing but hurt you?

Because a man always does what he wants and where he is at, is where HE WANTS TO BE.

The reason he isn't ever going to turn around and suddenly love you and treat you like the bare minimum you deserve is because you give him everything!!!!! Without him doing anything. So why is he suddenly going to start doing stuff for you when you haven't ever required him to do it before.

Stop letting people who didn’t deserve you in the beginning have so much access to you. You are so worthy of love, kindness, attention, appreciation and reciprocated effort.

But you won’t ever get it if you let these no good players keep wasting your time.

Actually I take that last bit back, stop wasting your own time. You are responsible for how its panning out. You keep accepting apologies with no changed behaviour.

As J.Cole said “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice can’t put the blame on you”

APOLOGY WITHOUT CHANGE IS MANIPULATION.

Girl, wash your face, write down your goals, say your affirmations, and kick these time wasters to the side.

If he isn’t pushing you to your goals, making you climax and making you feel like your worthy and special - he ain't it.

Stop wasting your own goddamn time.