My 2021 goals and How to succeed in this New Year.

Happy New Year My Loves.

Firstly I want to take the time to say a Massive Thank you for 2020. While I haven’t met most of you, your unconditional love and support brought me to a whole new level of self-love and healing. You provided me with space and security to openly talk and discuss what weighed me down and gave me light.

I appreciate you so much and can’t wait to begin 2021.

This year I chose goals which wouldn’t get me to my end goal, but be another solid stepping stone along my journey.

I wanted all my goals to reflect my vision, values and morals. I wanted them not to be based on aesthetic but soulful growth and expansion.

1. Create stronger Personal Boundaries

I am a people pleaser, and often put everyone's needs before my own. I say yes to things I don't want to do because I don’t want to let others down. Recently I have become aware that I do this, because of my fear of abandonment. Therefore overcompensating to try and avoid losing someone. However I realised, I don’t want someone in my life if they don’t respect my boundaries. I will honour this by listening to my intuition rather than my ego and inner critic. I will base my choices on my gut feelings and values while reassuring my inner child.

2. Refraining from external Validation

I love who I am, but I still have days where I feel empty, lack self-worth and doubt myself and what I bring to the table. I often see I seek external validation, mainly from men. I see this when something triggers me to not feel enough. A friend having plans with someone else, someone leaving me on read or just reminiscing on ended relationships/friendships. I know it can sound petty and silly but this is where I see these feelings come up. I will honour this by noticing when I begin to feel this way, distancing myself from social media and taking time to reflect on what my inner child is needing to hear and providing myself with reassurance, love and support.

3. More time in the present

I love spreading my message on social media, working on new projects or tiktoking.. However this year I’ve noticed I spend so much time worrying about the future or reminiscing about the past. Yet I spend little time benign fully present.

To honour this I want to make a more conscious effort to not multitask when talking to people, using technology during meals and family time, as well as spending more time in nature.

4. Not using sex as a void.

This year I am taking 1 year of celibacy, and only being intimate with someone I am in a committed relationship with. I chose this as a goal because I have a very toxic relationship with sex. I don’t really want the sex, or intimacy or orgasm. I just want to feel wanted and loved. I want the connection, and I turn to sex when I feel I am not good enough or worthy. Yes, this is very hard to admit but I know it is also very common and just not talked about. I want sex and intimacy to be between me and someone I love. I want to cut off people’s access to me and actually work with the deep-rooted trauma and problem rather than filling the void, which in the end always leads to me feeling worse.

5. Take risks and enjoy the journey.

Last year I felt so restricted by the force of society to complete my degree and go straight to a full-time job. However, when I completed my course, I felt so much uncertainty and didn’t know truly what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to just ‘stick it out’ in a job I didn’t like or fulfil me. I wanted to feel aligned and live with purpose. So this year I am going with the flow, I declined 3 offers for full-time work and playing it by ear till I find something that calls me. I want to take risks and try new things. I want to make mistakes and grow. I want this to be the year I just said “yes” because it FELT RIGHT rather than because I have to.

So how do you succeed in this new year?

1. Appreciate and Give thanks for 2020, and reflect on all the blessings and hardship. What did you learn and what do you want to cultivate more of this year?

2. Ask yourself what you REALLY want and how you really want to feel, not just what you feel you have to achieve.

3. Chose Goals which reflect your values and how you want to live and feel, not just what you want to look like

4. Set realistic standards, and while having aspirations, also give yourself the freedom to just feel and go with the flow.

5. Reflect on your environment and those you surround yourself with. Does your environment, friends, family or career support the life you wish to live? How can I create stronger boundaries to live with more peace and passion?

6. Create a mantra which will set the tone for the year.

7. Let go of expectations and give faith and trust to the universe, know that what comes up in this year is meant for you. It’s a necessary part of your journey and growth

8. Live with INTENTION. Don’t just live to exist but live to make memories, feel joy and act with purpose and love.

9. Express more gratitude for what you have while working towards what you want.

10. Don’t give other people the power to control your happiness. The minute someone is taking your peace, let them go.

Here’s to the New Year, let go of half-assed forced relationships, crappy friendships and toxic sex. Welcome 2021 with two hands and the intention to live with purpose, passion and intention.

It will be what you make it. Grab it and make it yours

Love Ruby x x x